Dante's Inferno as told by Darlene Silvereye
(A true and honest translation from the original Italian, with a just few minor alterations from me :)
The Beginning
Hey, I'm Dante (Who else would be writing Dante's Inferno :).
I traveled through a valley (aka life), and along the way made a wrong turn (heading towards some sin; so, I'm not perfect, what ya going to do send me to hell). Which brought me through a dark and scary forest (a bad life, jeez, and everything was so good, now look at me) to the foot of a hill (do I really gotta climb up there). I then tried to climb the hill (to paradise :))) but was stopped by the beasts of sins of incontinence, of violence, and lastly the she-wolf of fraud (look at those nasty teeth, guess no paradise for me :().
So along comes Virgil (didn't he die a few thousand years ago?), the Greek poet, who says, you can't go that way with the beast in the way, she will greedily eat you (and your sinful soul too) and afterwards be even hungrier (guess not much meat on my soul). So, come with me through hell, so I can show you all the screaming suffering people (yea for other miserable people), and hear the despairing shrieks, and on the other side I'll bring you to someone who can show you up the mountain." (ya, right, and I'm supposed to believe you and blindly follow you to hell and back). So I thought, wondering why can't Virgil lead me up the mountain, when Virgil says, "Hey, first of all, you're still alive so you're not ready for that way yet, and I'm not allowed to go up that way either, you should follow me down. A nice Lady from Heaven set me to get you." So I say, "OK, cool, lead me through hell to this nice Lady on the other side and she can bring me to the Gates of St. Peter." So I trust Virgil to lead me through hell, nice! (and once in hell, he'll leave me there for all eternity. Maybe being eaten by that she-wolf wouldn't be that bad after all)
"Hey Virgil," I ask, "other great people went this dark way and came out on top, like Peter who began the seat in Rome, and Paul and Aeneas (whoever that was, maybe I can google him). I'm not one of those greats. If I go with you I'm probably going to go mad, are you sure this is OK?" I wasn't so sure I should follow Virgil, thinking I was a little hasty to start this trip to hell.
So Virgil says, "You coward, this is a great and honorable adventure. I was in Limbo (kinda like Purgatory, but no way out) when I heard you were in trouble, the Lady came from the smallest circle of Heaven and told me to help you, you can't say no to the Blessed Lady Beatrice. She said in that sweet voice you were her friend (who's this Beatrice, a friend of mine?, sounds a little fishy to me) and you were stuck and afraid. She said, 'Go help him out before he goes too far on that dark road.' Vigil asked Beatrice, 'Why can't you help him?' Beatrice answered, 'God has made me so I can stand the pain of being here in Limbo, but I can't stand to go further (way too hot down there for me). So you can go for me. Mary sent Lucia to me, so I could come to you, now you must hear his cry and help him.' (Hey, I wasn't crying! And playing post office, that reassures me, now I'm confident that the message was true and now I feel safe to follow Virgil) "So I told her I'm on my way, if I could have gotten it done yesterday it wouldn't be soon enough, her weeping lucent eyes made me more speedy in coming to help you." (Just like a guy, falling for a woman’s tears, I'll have to remember that) Then she said, 'I gotta go back to Heaven now, I was having a lovely time with the ancient Rachel. See ya!'"
So Virgil looked at me and continued, "So here I am. I saved you from that beast that wouldn't let you take the short trip up the mountain (to Paradise). So are you still a coward, or are you going to do what the blessed Ladies who care for you in the court of Heaven have asked?"
So I replied, "OK, since you said the compassionate Ladies sent you to help me, I guess I will keep going," and so I followed Virgil.
The Gate of Hell
Above the gate was written, "Through me is the way to eternal woe and the lost people. Leave every hope, ye who enter!" (Yay, I'm going to eternal woe!) At this I was again frightened. Virgil replied, "As we enter, you've got to leave your fear behind." So holding his hand (hey, it's not like that) we entered and I heard strange tongues, horrible cries, words of woe, accents of anger, voices high and hoarse, like a whirlwind.
In horror I asked, "What miserable folk are these?" Virgil answered, "These guys were neither good nor bad. They are wretched souls who lived without infamy and without praise; not rebels, nor were faithful to God, but were for themselves. Neither Heaven nor Hell wanted them." "What makes them lament so bitterly?" "Because here they have nothing, neither good nor bad, just nothing for eternity. Take a good look, but quickly, we gotta keep going." I saw they were like people who were never really alive, many now waiting to cross the river Acheron. (I'll google Acheron when I'm done writing this story :))
When I got to the river, the demon boatman Charon, with eyes of glowing coal, told us this boat was for the damned, so we couldn't cross the river with him. But Virgil said, "A greater power sends us (the Ladies :), don't ask any more about it."
So we cross the river with many of the damned, some of whom Charon had to beat with his oar to get on the boat. Virgil tells me, "Everyone from every land who die in the wrath of God all come this way and are eager (yea, right, they look eager) to pass over the stream, divine justice spurs them and fear is turned to desire. Don't mind Charon's snarling at you, he never lets a good soul pass this way, so feel special that he's letting us cross." So we crossed and I looked around, and it was so horrible I still have nightmares about the place.
First Circle of Hell
So we descended into the woeful abyss, dark, profound, and cloudy; we could not see the bottom. I followed Virgil into the first circle that girds the abyss, also known as Limbo (hey Virgil, isn't this your home now?).
Virgil explains that in Limbo, the spirits of the first circle are not sinners, simply those who did not know God. None were baptized, many such as Virgil himself being from before Christianity, so even if they were good, they're still stuck here. Virgil tells me, "Not through other guilt, are we lost, without hope we live in desire." Limbo is where Beatrice came to find Virgil (So first circle ok to visit from Heaven, not any further?). No one ever gets out of Limbo, except for that time when Christ descended into hell, and brought out many such as Adam, Able, Noah, Moses, Abraham and family, Rachel, David and a few others.
As we walked along, four honorable spirits, the poets Homer, Horace, Ovid, and Lucan, also residents of Limbo, came by giving praise to Virgil. We six traveled together a while to a noble castle, seven times circled by high walls, defended round about by a fair streamlet (think it's called a moat). Such greats as these had this as a special place in Limbo. In a field within the castle, I saw many great sages, including Electra, Hector, Aeneas, Caesar, Saladin, Socrates and Plato, Euclid and Ptolemy, and many others (going to have to google them when I get back). From there we traveled alone.
The Second Circle, that of Carnal Sinners
So Virgil leads me to the second circle, guarded by the late king Minos (he invented Minotours, sorry couldn't wait to get back to google this guy). He listens to the sinners, then tells them where in hell they belong (I'm not cursing, just stating facts here) by wrapping his tail around himself, the more times around, the further into hell they go. Minos tells me to be careful entering here, and Virgil tells him we were heaven sent, so don't get in our way (Virgil is so brave).
I see the winged spirits of the evil sinners tormented by constant hurricane winds, carrying them around and around, screaming and lamenting their suffering, and cursing heaven. These condemned are the carnal sinners who subject reason to appetite (I think that means lust). Virgil points out Semiramis, Cleopatra, Helen of Troy, the great Achilles, Paris, Tristan, and many others (my google list is getting long). I see Francesca and her love (I think I knew them before they died?), hand in hand, and I ask why they are here in hell. She tells me they stole a kiss, like Galahaut persuaded Guinevere to give a kiss to Lancelot. (One kiss and to hell you go, an expensive kiss!)
The Third Circle, that of the Gluttonous
The third circle, that of the rain eternal, with stinking hail and snow, is guarded by Cerberus, a cruel monster, with three barking dog heads (Hey, like that dog from Harry Potter). When Cerberus tuned towards me mouths opened wide and ready to swallow (and worst was, no mouthwash), Virgil threw dirt into the months, which quieted the beast while he ate the dirt (mmm... tasty dirt, hope it makes his bad breath a little better).
One of the spirits recognizes me from before his death, and tells me that he is called Ciacco (aka pig), and he is in hell because of gluttony. I ask about other worthy friends of Ciacco, and he tells me their sins were blacker, they are further below, and Ciacco will tell no more except that I may see them as I pass that way (yea, more friends of mine in the deepest pits of hell). So as these sinners wait the final sentence for eternity, we continue on and see Pluto (no not the planet, besides it's not a planet anymore, and not the cute little puppy following Mickey around :), the giver of wealth.
The Fourth Circle, that of the Avaricious and the Prodigal
We are greeted by Pluto, who tells the wolf behind him to let us pass, it is willed on high that we pass (those nice Ladies again). We crossed a marsh to a little stream called Styx. (The river Styx, I knew that was coming somewhere down here :) We saw all the spirits here beating each other, being angry sinners. On the other side the sinners all were guilty of acedia, or spiritual gloom and despondency (mostly lazy ascetics who got tired of praying).
After walking around the circle, we came to a tower.
The Fifth Circle.--Phlegyas and his boat
A light from the top of the tower sent a signal across the water to another tower on the other side. Then a boat, piloted by Phlegyas, came across faster than a speeding arrow. Phlegyas was looking for more foul souls to take across, but Virgil says it's just us, and were not foul souls, which made Phlegyas a little angry. (I was wondering why he never asked for his two pennies for the boat ride?)
As the crossed the water, I talk with an angry muddy spirit in the boat with us. It was Filippo Argenti, who was an arrogant person in the world (I think I'm supposed to know this guy too); no goodness is left in his memory. Virgil pushed the demon spirit back saying, "Up there are held great kings who shall stand here like swine in mire." I laugh and I say I would like this muddy raging Florentine spirit dunked in the water (guess I did know him, and didn't like him :).
As the boat floats on, we approach the city of Dis. I see a valley filled with mosques vermilion, blazing with eternal fire. We approach a gate and Phlegyas asks (not so politely, he really didn't want us on his boat) for us to get off his boat. The spirits in the city are angry at seeing me, someone not yet dead, near their city. They welcome Virgil, but tell me I am not welcomed. Virgil says "Wait here while I talk to these dead guys." I plead with Virgil, "Please don't leave me here." Virgil responds, "Calm down you baby, I'll be right back."
I, feeling abandoned, wait only a few minutes for Virgil to return, saying, "They won't let me in either, because I brought you here. They never were very friendly. We'll get someone else here to help us." I'm a little concerned because Virgil, being only from Limbo, probably doesn't have much authority get to much done here, but I was wrong, help does come.
But first, three infernal furies came flying up, girt with greenest hydras and little serpents and cerastes for hair. (think I'll need to spend some time with a good dictionary here too) Virgil knew these handmaids of the queen of the eternal lamentation and introduced them as the three Erinnyes, there names are Megaera, Alecto, and Tisiphone (more names for my google list). The three screamed for Medusa to come get me and Virgil told me to turn and close my eyes, in case I see the Gorgon Medusa and turn to stone. Then I will never return to the land of the living (not that I was all that sure anyway). So Virgil turned me around and used his own hands to cover my eyes.
Medusa never showed up, but someone from heaven did, arriving like a bitter fume from over the water, his feet didn't even get wet from the Styx. Virgil made me bow to this powerful being. Everyone from the city scattered before him, and he stopped at the gates and opened them. He insults the people from Dis, telling them they got what they disserved, their grief is their own making. Then turned and let Virgil and me enter the city. So we entered the city and saw it filled with opened tombs of the heresiarchs with their followers of every sect, and thus entered the sixth circle. (So if your a heretic, or a leader of heretics, this is your circle)
The Sixth Circle: Heresiarchs
We walk through the city, with the opened tombs and hot flames popping up all over, and I ask Virgil, "If I look in the opened tombs, will I see them. (Why I would want to see more dead, I don't know)" He says, "After Jehoshaphat, they will all return here with their bodies, and be stuck here forever. (So I'm guessing no, I cant see them yet, only their spirits.) Virgil says, "Over here is Epicurus with all his followers." He calls me a modest Tuscan. Then we hear a noise from one tomb and Farinata pops up. So I walk over to his tomb and he asks me, as if holding all hell in disdain, "Who were thy ancestors?" (Who's ur daddy?) So I told him they were the Guelphs. (more googling to do) He says, "I didn't like them so I got rid of them." And I replied, "Yea, but we came back stronger than ever, guess you never learned your lesson." And another spirit rose, asking, "Where is my son, Guido Cavalcanti." (remember that name, you'll see him later :) I answered, "I don't know." I knew Guido was also a heretic. And the spirit said sadly, "He's not already dead is he?" and slowly sank back into his tomb. (better google this one too, since I'm supposed to know him already)
Then the other spirit say, "So your family hasn't learned the art yet, and all your laws are against us, when you get back to the sweet world (of the living), you will find the art weighs heavy on all of you." (Apparently the art is the Arabian life because I say to him...) "The Arabians killed us praying in our temple (At Empoli, in 126O, after the defeat of the Florentine Guelphs at Montaperti on the Arbia, see I know my history :), there was blood every where. Hope you and all your people stay here in hell forever." (You mean this Christian-Muslim thing has been going on for 800 years, isn't it time we stop fighting?) I continue, "O, by the way, tell Guido's dad that Guido isn't dead yet, but he'll be here soon, he's on his death bed." (Just wait until you see where Guido really is now, keep reading :)
Virgil calls me back, but before I turn to leave I ask the spirit, "Anyone else here I know?" And he say, "Among the thousands here are the second Frederick and the Cardinal Ottaviano degli Ubaldini, a fierce Ghibelline, who lost his soul." (Two more well know sinners from the day? My google list is long enough, think I'll skip these two) I was kinda distraught from talking to that spirit, so Virgil said, "When you see the sweet radiance of her whose beautiful eye sees everything, from her you will learn the journey of your life." (Not really sure who she is?) That made me fell better. So we turned left and continued our journey, heading down into a valley, and even from a distance it had a displeasing stench.
The stench from the abyss was so bad we hid behind a tomb (like that's going to help). It was the tomb of Pope Anastasius who followed Photinus from the right way.
Virgil said, "Now we gotta go slow, so we get used to how bad it is down here. The next three circles are full of accursed spirits, getting worse then those we've already passed. Here are those of malice that wins hate in heaven, and every end afflicts others either by force or by fraud. But because fraud is the peculiar sin of man, it most displeases God, they are the lower, and more woe assails them."
The next circle (the seventh) is for the violent. You can commit violence against God (by denying and blaspheming Him in heart), against one's self, against one's neighbor or their belongings. It can cause death and grievous wounds; and their belongings ruins, burnings, and harmful robberies, devastators and freebooters (aka pirates).
The circle after that (the eighth circle) is those who commit fraud of hypocrisy,
flatteries, and sorcerers, falsity, robbery, and simony, panders, barrators, and such like filth. (looks like a trip to the dictionary for some of these sins) (And am I missing something, I guess hell is hell, but it looks like its worse to cheat and lie than to kill someone)
So we start talking about philosophy, ethics, and physics as written about by Aristotle. I was curious about why those in these next three circles are so different from the preceding circles. I'm totally confused, so I ask Virgil, "I like your explanations, they are full of knowledge and pleasantly remove my doubts, but I still don't understand?" But we continue on our journey.
First round of the Seventh Circle; those who do violence to others
We descend down a broken cliff. On the edge of the broken chasm lay stretched out the infamy of Crete, that was conceived in the false cow, who was guarding the pass like a Minotaur. (I'm guessing idol worship) Virgil tells Crete that I'm not one of those instructed by his sister, but I coming to behold his punishments. Virgil's words are like a mortal blow, and Crete flees. (And I'm a little confused, but this is hell ya know :) We continue downward, slipping on the loose rock. We see below us the river of blood, in which boils those who harmed to others by violence.
We approached a ditch that circled the plain below, guarded by running Centaurs armed with arrows. The Centaurs order us to tell what our sin was that sent us to this hell. So Virgil says, "Don't be so hasty, we will answer to Chiron." And then he tells me, "That is Nessus, who died for the beautiful Dejanira; and that one in the middle is the great Chiron who nurtured Achilles. That other is Pholus, who was so full of wrath. Round about the ditch they go by thousands
shooting with their arrows any soul that lifts itself from the boiling blood more than its guilt has allotted it." (Wow, a fun part of hell, target practice :)
Then Chiron, seeing that I'm not dead, draws his bow. So Virgil goes right up to Chiron and says, "Yep, he's still alive. He's no robber and I'm no thief. One of them singing alleluiah up there in Heaven sent us upon this savage road. We're not happy about it, but we gotta go, and your going to help us. We need a guide, one who can carry us when needed, this lively one is not a spirit who can float over that boiling blood." ( :) Virgil is so brave, did I say that already?) So Chiron tells Nessus to guide us.
So we follow Nessus, who points out a few in the boiling blood who gave themselves to blood and pillage. He pointed out a few who could only stick the tops of their head out of the blood; Alexander, and cruel Dionysius who caused Sicily to have woeful years, and Azzolino, Opizzo of Esti, who in truth was slain by his stepson. (more nice people to google) Then we saw some who could stick there whole head out (one of them was Guy of Montfort who in 1271 killed Prince Henry, son of Richard of Cornwall, stabbing him during the mass, in a church at Viterbo), and then some who had their chest out of the blood, and I recognized a lot of them (good, no more names here to google). Soon only the feet where cooking in the boiling blood (these are the best of the bad guys I guess). The Centaur told us that on the far side, where the blood river is deepest we could find Attila who was a scourge on earth, and Pyrrhus and Sextus, and Rinier of Corneto, and Rinier Pazzo.
The Centaur brought us to where the blood river was shallowest, where we crossed further into Second round (around and around hell we go) of the Seventh Circle: of those who have done violence to themselves and to their goods. Here we entered a wood with no path with dusky colored leaves with boughs knotty and gnarled, and with fruits with thorns and poison, and with thickets rough and dense. Here the foul Harpies make their nests, with broad wings, and human necks and faces, feet with claws, and a great feathered belly. I heard wailings on every side but saw no one. So Virgil said I should brake a twig from one of the trees. As I did so, it wailed from the bloody end of the branch, "Why do you rend me, have you no pity. Men we were, and now we are trees." So Virgil apologizes to the tree and asks it to tell me who he was and what he did before death.
So the tree, who was Pier delle Vigne, the Chancellor of Frederick II (geez, another google if I want to know who this is) said that while he was faithful to his office, there was this harlot with strumpet eyes, who turned everyone against him, so thinking to escape scorn by death, committed suicide. (Just like a guy to kill himself for a harlot) All who commit such sin are flung here by Minos, where their spirit grows into a tree to be fed painfully upon by the Harpies. After the Last Judgment, our bodies will return here to hang from our own thorn-tree. Suddenly, two men came flying through the forest, Lano and Jacomo, being chased by a pack of black female dogs (yea, you know the word that goes here) who tore Lano to pieces, bit by bit, then carried off his woeful limbs. (It appears he was a deserter from a battle in Pieve del Toppo, in 1280)
Virgil asked a bush, damaged by Jacomo's dash through the wood, who he was before death. The crying and bleeding bush said he was an artist from Florence who was sorrowful for his art, and hung himself in his own home. (Like Vincent Van Gogh, artists never understood by the rest of us sane people?)
Third round of the Seventh Circle of those who have done violence to God and to Nature to Art
So, being charitable, I gathered up the leaves from the damaged bush, and handed them back to it, then continued our journey to the next part of the seventh circle. At the edge of the last trees and bushes we found a dense burning hot sand. Flakes of fire rained down on many suffering souls, continually burning off their skin. One of the first souls we saw lying supine on a plain of burning sand while fire rains down on him was Capaneus, one of the Seven Kings that besieged Thebes, an arrogant Greek warrior who challenged Zeus (already googled this one so he's not going on my growing google list :), and even now was still cursing Jove.
Staying close to the wooded forest so we didn't step on the burning sand, we came to a blood red stream (making me shiver a little remembering where that stream comes from). We walked along the stony bank of this stream to get to the next circle.
Here, Virgil told me about the origin of this stream. It starts in the sea, where we crossed, formed by the tears of the sin and suffering of the generations of man form the rivers of Hell. The tears come from an old man with a head of gold, chest of silver, body of bronze, legs of iron, and a clay foot, as seen the dream of Nebuchadnezzar, weeping from fissures that trickles tears from all but the gold. These tears form Acheron, Styx, and Phlegethon (that’s the boiling blood river), and continue down to form Cocytus, a pool that we shall see when we can not descend any further (at the very bottom of hell :).
I followed Virgil, being assured I would be safe from the burning sand and raining fire as long as we stayed along the bloody stream (good bloody stream :). As we walked along, a troop of souls came up, and one of them recognized me, Sir Brunetto Latini, a chief of the Guelph party who was my master when I was young. (A meeting of old friends in hell, probably happens a lot) We walked along together and talked. "So Dante, what brings you here to hell?" "Well, there I was in life, when a made a wrong turn into a dark valley. As I turned to find my way back to someplace nice, along comes this guy (he never actual says 'Virgil' while in hell) here to say they only way back was a nice toasty trip to hell and back, so here I am." (That’s a pretty good new translation from the original Italian :) Brunetto instructs me, "Follow your star," and warns him to stay out of political corruption. I reply, "I learning to stay out of trouble, and trying to please the lady Beatrice." After they finish talking, Brunetto runs off into the burning sands like he was in a race. (Mmmm... He's in hell, and giving me advice, is that good?)
As we continued, I could hear a roaring sound of falling water. Three flame injured souls ran up to us and tells us to stop, and yelled, "Who are you who looks like you’re from our city, and can walk through hell while still alive?" In life they were Guidoguerra (grandson of the beautiful and modest Gualdrada), who lived by the sword, Tegghiaio Aldobrandi, who was famous in the world above, and Jacopo Rusticucci who had a savage wife. (more googling :() These were friends of Guido, mentioned back up in the sixth circle. I tell them I am trying to learn from the mistakes of others, such as them selves, but first, "Gotta go down to the bottom of hell first." And they reply, "Live long and prosper." (another good translation from the original Italian :) I replied, "Lots of greedy people in Florence these days, you will probably have more company soon, hopefully not me." Then they said, "When you get back, and see the stars, tell the others up there about us." And with that, they ran away.
We approached a cliff, and a water fall made by the bloody stream. Here, as directed by Virgil, I removed the cord around my waist, handed it to Virgil, who threw it over the cliff, as a sign of throwing away sin. At that sign, a shape came swimming upwards through the thick and dark air.
It was Geryon, with a nice face and hairy paws and circles drawn on his sides and a long venomous forked tail, an image of Fraud, who lands on the stony shore of the Phlegethon above the waterfall. As we approached this beast, I saw sitting on the fiery sands, right at the edge of the void below, sinners who have done violence to Art, the usurers. (So this is where those greedy bankers go?) Virgil said, "Go talk to them, while I talk this beast into giving us a ride." I didn't recognize them, but they were sad looking, like flea bitten dogs being rained on by flames. I did recognize some of the poaches around their necks, representing several famous families including the Gianfigliazzi, a Guelph family, and Ubriachi, Ghibellines, all of Florence. And, one of the Scrovigni family of Padua saying, "Get thee gone you lively one. O, by the way, your neighbor Vitaliano will be sitting next to me soon. And Giovanni Buiamonte of Florence too." (If this keeps up, hell and my google list are both going to be very full)
I returned to Virgil, who was already mounted on the fierce animal, and he said, "No more stairs or nice relaxing boat rides for going down from here, for now on we ride the beasts of hell. Sit in front of me, otherwise that nasty tail might take your head off as he whips it around." So, being a little pallid after those reassuring words, I climbed on Geryon's strong shoulders, Virgil holding me in place. The Virgil said, "Let's go Geryon, but take it easy on the way down, remember this is a rare live one on your back this time, not the usual dead souls you're used to carrying." Then the beast launched itself, and I don't think Phaethon or Icarus could have been in more fear than I was then. (I've heard of Icarus, whose wings melted because he was arrogant enough to fly to close to the sun with waxed wings and then fell to his death; but who was this Phaethon, yet another for my google list)
Trembling, wholly cowered, I peeked over the side, afraid to lean over, and saw fires and heard laments. Geryon drops us off at the bottom, and then flew off again like an arrow.
Eighth Circle: the first pit: panders and seducers
So here I was, in the pits of hell, in a place called Malebolge (aka "evil ditches"), a large circular field of stone the color of iron. Right in the middle of this field was another wide abyss. In this wide field were 10 valleys, like moats surrounding castles with little bridges crossing these valleys, or pits. In the first pit of hell, all the people were naked, half facing one way, toward us, the other half facing away. I saw horned demons with great scourges, which were beating them cruelly from behind. I recognized one, Venedico Caccianimico, who was trying to hid his face from me. I asked what brought him to the pit. He replied, "I don't want to tell, but I have no choice. I brought my sister, the beautiful Ghisola, to do the will of the Marquis of the Esti of Ferrara." Then one of the horned devils whipped him and said, "Pandar, here are no women for coining." (The pit of hell for those who cause prostitution! I think they're called pimps, and a nice home they're in now!!)
We crossed an arched stone bridge, and moved on. Before leaving the first pit we saw some horned devils driving a line of souls, with the first in the line being Jason, who courageously stole the golden fleece from the Colchians. Later, while passing the isle of Lemnos, he deceived and seduced Hypsipyle, the maiden, who herself first had deceived all the rest of the maidens. There he left her pregnant, and alone; and now here he is condemned to torment with the rest of the evil seducers.
We then moved on out of the site of those evil spirits. Here we walked mostly straight through the Circular Pits where Fraud is punished, instead of more in a circle as we did in the upper circles of hell.
As we crossed the bridge over the second pit, which was very deep, I could see mould growing on the walls from the foul breath of the souls, and in the bottom I could see the souls covered in excrement (poor pooped on people). I recognized the most pooped on soul, it was Alessio Interminei of Lucca. And Virgil point out Thais the prostitute who was scratching herself with her nasty nails. (I checked google and I think Thais was a 4th century bc Athenian courtesan who traveled with the army of Alexander the Great in its invasion of Persia. If you don't know what a courtesan is, look it up. Nicely translated, it means woman of the court, but what did she do in the court that would place in this pit of hell?)
We moved on to the third pit of hell, the one for simonists (buying and selling religious favors, named after Simon Magus). Here, the evil souls were stuck, head first, in small circular pits, with only there feet sticking up; and the feet were on fire. (Wow, this is getting pretty bad, wonder what the worst at the center of the ninth circle get for their sins?) One set of feet was burning more than the others, and he was shaking with pain more than the others, so I asked Virgil who he was. Vigril took me closer so I could ask the suffering soul myself. It was Pope Nicholas III, from the Orsini family, who did outrage to the beautiful Lady (the church), who thought I was Pope Boniface VIII coming to join him for even worse simoniacal practices. He said Boniface, when he comes, will push Nicholas through the fissures of the rock below his head, and that Pope Clement V will come shortly later and do the same to Boniface. There were many former souls already crushed into the fissures beneath his head. (Crushed into a fissure, or stuck on your head with feet burning, which is worse?) I called Nicholas a god of gold and silver, and asked him if he enjoyed the ill-gotten money from Charles of Anjou. This angered Nicholas, but pleased Virgil. (Sure wish I knew what I was talking about, guess I had to be there to know :)
When then moved to the fourth pit of hell for diviners, soothsayers, and magicians.
As I looked at this new suffering, I saw everyone here was twisted from the chest up, so that they could only look backwards, and as they cried, their tears ran down their buttocks. It made me cry (or was it laughing :) to see their suffering, but Virgil said don't pity these dead, they deserve their judgment, as he points to Amphiaraus, one of the seven kings who besieged Thebes; Tiresias, the Theban soothsayer; and Aruns, an Etruscan haruspex as other examples. (think my google list is about to explode) (haruspex - minor priests who practiced divination, esp. from the entrails of animals killed in sacrifice, nice people :)
The Virgil pointed out one whose loose tresses covers her breasts and said, "There is Manto, daughter of Tiresias, the cruel virgin who saw a land in the middle of the fen without culture and bare of inhabitants to avoid all human fellowship, she stayed with her servants to practice her arts, and so was the origin of my home land Mantua." Then Virgil pointed out Eurypylus, and the wizard Michael Scott, and the famous astrologer Guido Bonatti, and Asdente, the shoemaker of Parma.
Eighth Circle: fifth pit: barrators
(Corrupt politicians who take money for favors, I heard there was a place in hell for them, now I know where :)
We walked to the bridge over the next pit, and I saw boiling tar. Then I saw a black devil running up along the crag, with wings open, and light upon
his feet, and high pointy shoulders. It was carrying a sinner, one of
the Ancients of Saint Zita, a chief magistrate of Lucca; and I watched as the devil cast the sinner into the boiling tar. The sinner floated back to the surface, but Malebranche demons hiding under the bridge with pitch forks hurtled down and struck him with more than a hundred prongs, saying, "Covered must thou dance here, so thou mayst swindle secretly." (lol, oops, that wasn't funny was it :)
Virgil said to hide so I can watch in secret while he talked to the pitchfork demons. Just as they were about to attack with their pitchforks, Virgil called for Malacoda, their leader, and told the demon that "This mission is not to be hindered, for in Heaven it is willed." Malacoda dropped his fork and told the rest to let us pass. Virgil then called me to continue forward with him without fear of these demons. Then one of other demons stated joking about sticking me in the rump, which was rather frightening, but Malacoda told the joking demon Scarmiglione to leave me alone.
Then Virgil said we can't cross the next bridge, it's been broken and tumbled since the earthquake on the day Christ died. We will have to go another way. And Virgil called out for ten guides by name from the pitch fork demons: Alichino, Calcabrina, Cagnazzo, Barbariccia, Libicocco, Draghignazzo, tusked Ciriatto, and Graffiacane, and Farfarello, and mad Rubicante to help us across. When I saw the approaching Malebranche demons, I said, "Do we really need there help, look at those sharp teeth, they look like they're about to eat us." But Virgil said, "Don't be worried, they're just grinning at the tar boiled wretches." Then the leader of the ten guides made a signal, using his rump as a trumpet. I've seen a lot of trumpets, but never one like that before.
So, just like in church with saints, and in a tavern with gluttons, onward we traveled through hell with ten demons. As we traveled along, I watched the boiling tar, and saw sinners trying to sneak parts of themselves out of the tar for some relief from the pain, but as they saw my escort, they all fled beneath the tar again. All except one, who Graffiacane grabbed with his pitchfork and held him up. Virgil asked him who he was. The sinner replied that he was a fatherless servant of King Thibault, and is here because he was using his position to cheat others. Ciriatto then gored him with one of his tusks. Graffiacane asked Virgil if he had any more questions for the sinner before he unforked the sinner. Virgil asked the sinner if he knew any other Italians in the boiling tar with him. The sinner was reluctant to answer, so the demons tore open his arms and legs. (Isn't fun to travel with demons from hell :) Now, with gapping wounds, the sinner answered, "I was hanging out in the tar with Brother Gomita, of Gallura, who took money from criminals and let them go free and was hung buy Judge Nino for his crimes; and with his fellow barrator Don Michael Zanche of Logodoro who likes talking about all the people in Sardinia he took payoffs from.
The next thing that happened was rather entertaining and, if I wasn't in hell, would have laughed. The sinner, being placed un-forked on the ground, insulted the demons. As they tried to snare him again with their forks, he dived into the boiling tar, hurling more insults. Calcabrina and another of the demons, being angered by the insults, and more angered that the sinner got away without more punishments, started to fight with each other and landed wings down in the boiling tar and got stuck there. Taloned feet flaming in the air, they got more and more mired in the tar. Barbariccia and his troup of Malebranche demons were still trying to get the two stuck demons out as we left, and hurried on our journey.
Eighth Circle. The sixth pit: hypocrites, in cloaks of gilded lead
I was still afraid the Malebranche demons would chase us with their pitchforks, but Virgil said, "As soon as we can descend into the next pit, we shall escape the imagined chase." As Virgil said this, I turned and saw the winged Malebranche chasing us, to drag us back to the boiling tar pit. "Eeek, we must flee," said Virgil as he picked me up and ran faster than a speeding river. Just as the winged devils reached us, we entered the sloops of the sixth pit of hell, where the Malebranche demons held no authority and were unable to take us.
Here I saw many golden gilded cloaked souls, but under the gild were all of heavy lead, so that they were heavier than the heavy leaden cloaks Emperor Frederick II made criminals wear, prior to being burned to death. Because of the heavy weight they must constantly bear, they were forced to move very slow, so that as we walked we always had different weary souls beside us. I asked Virgil if there was anyone hear I may know, when someone behind us said, "Hey, slow down an you may find someone you seek back hear." So we turned and stopped, and saw two very slowly hurrying toward us, they were not very far away, but it took them forever to catch up to us. (Hey, try using a PC when your in a hurry, you'll learn about slow and maybe learn some patience :) When they finally arrived, they could barely look at us, their heads so bowed from the great weight they carried. These two talked to each other and said, "Hey, this one looks alive, and how do they get to walk through here without their own heavy cloaks." I asked them who they were and they said they were Catalano and Loderingo, Jovial Friars from Bolognese. That’s when I noticed another soul staked to the ground, with other heavy souls walking over him. Friar Catalano said, "He was the one (Caiaphas) who counseled the Pharisees that it was expedient to put one man (Jesus) to torture and die for the people. Now he must feel the weight of each soul whoever passes. The others from that council, including Annas, are in nearby spots suffering the same fate."
And so we moved on, having to climb out of this pit. Good thing that the inside cliff of each pit is lower than the inside cliff, as everything slopes toward the inner lower abyss. I was dead tired by the time I reached the top; not good to be dead anything when in hell. I collapsed on the nearest rock.
Eighth Circle. Seventh pit, filled with serpents, by which thieves are tormented.
As I sat there, exhausted from the climb, Virgil said, "Hey, lazy, get up. No one makes there mark on the world lying comfy under a quilt. We got a long way to got, so lets get moving." So I got up, trying to look less exhausted than I felt.
We made it to the next pit and I heard horrible screaming. I looked down and saw naked people running from a terrible heap of serpents of many different varieties, and of such hideous look that the memory still curdles my blood. The hands were all tied behind their backs with more serpents which continually bit them from behind. And as they received many serpent bits, they burst into flame, and settled to the ground as ash, when rising again in agony for the pains they just suffered tried again to flee in vain from the serpents.
Virgil ask one of the souls who he was, and he replied that he was Vanni Fucci, just recently arriving in this fell gullet from Tuscany. He said he led a bestial
life that pleased himself. I said to Virgil, "Hey, I recognize him from when he was alive, what sin did he commit to end up down here." So he said he robbed the rich sacristy of the Church of St. James, the cathedral of Pistoia. Suspicion of the crime fell upon others, who, though innocent, were put to torture and hung for
it. (yea, that's a pretty bad thing to do, here, have another snake :)
Vanni then foretells of a tragedy what will befall me and the people of Florence as two political groups, the Blacks and the Whites, rise up in armed conflict. Then Vanni makes a rude signal with each hand and curses God, and then ran away.
Then a Centaur Cacus came running up covered in snakes, and had a fire breathing dragon at his neck. Virgil said he was here, instead of with his brothers, because he stole a great herd from his neighbors, and was later killed by Hercules.
I wouldn't believe what I saw next if I hadn’t seen with my own eyes. The spirits of three Florentine thieves, Agnello, Buoso, and Puccio came running by, and a six legged dragon, which was the spirit of Cianfa Donati, jumps on Agnello, wraps itself around the spirit, sinks its fangs in the spirits face. Next, the two kinda merged into one; the heads became one, looking a little like each original face. Then Agnello's arms and dragon legs merged, the chests merged, the legs merged; the new single creature now looking a little like both. (wow, that was cool, I mean horrible!)
Then a new serpent like creature, the spirit of Guercio Cavalcanti, looks at Buoso, and the spirit is frozen in place. They stare at each other, then the Buoso's feet join and lengthen, becoming a whipped pointed tail, and the serpent’s tail becomes two feet. The same happens to each, from the body, arms, head, even the tongue which slits into a forked serpent tongue on Buoso, and becomes a normal looking tongue on the serpent. Buoso, now looking like a snake, slithers off quickly, and the former serpent, Guercio, now standing on two legs yells after the snake, "Run Buoso run, just as I have done along these paths." The third unchanged spirit, his name was Puccio Sciancato, stands silently watching everything. Then I noticed the sinners all over this pit kept changing forms between people and various serpents. (Some nice special effects there, I wish I was there to see all that, except I'm pretty sure I don't want to visit hell)
We then left that pit, Virgil carrying me because the splinters and rocks of
the crag were almost impossible to climb. (Virgil, my hero :)
Eighth Circle: eighth pit: Fraudulent Counsellors
As I looked down into the next pit I saw a lot of little flames running around. Then I saw each little flame was a sinner, concealed in flames. Virgil tells me that they each kindled their own flames with their sins. I saw one divided flame that looked like pyre on which were burned Eteocles and Polynices, sons of Oedipus and Jocaste, who slew each other in such mutual hate that even the flames divided in two. So I asked Virgil who it was. Virgil said, "Within are tormented Ulysses and Diomed, together in punishment, as alive in wrath." (Stuck to your hated enemy for eternity, that sounds a lot worse then the flames) Their deceit led to the Trojan War, and the death and destruction of many. Virgil asked the twin flames where they went to die, and the greater flame, Ulysses, answered that he saw all the Mediterranean Sea, and they passing the Pillars of Hercules, sailed at full oar for 5 cycles of the moon, and came in site of a great mountain. "Then," Ulysses said, "From the strange land a whirlwind rose, and struck the vessel, till the sea had closed over us." The twin flames then walked away.
Then the spirit of the Ghibelline count, Guido da Montefeltro, a famous freebooting captain asked Virgil if "Romagnuoli have peace or war." Since it's been a while since Virgil was there (being dead for a long time), I answered the burning spirit. I said, "Your Romagna is not, and never was, without war in the hearts of her tyrants. Romagnuoli is not in open war now. But in just the past few years Guido Novello da Polenta, lord of Ravenna; Guido da Montefeltro of Forli; the family Malatesta, rulers of Rimini; Maghinardo da Susinana who governs the city of Lamone and of Santerno; and others all have been fighting, amongst themselves, against the French and the Pope, murdering, ruling as tyrants, sucking the blood of their subjects. (Just lovely, not planning any vacations for that place :) I asked him who he was, and he said he was a soldier in the Crusades in Acre, and a councilor to Pope Boniface VIII, who said he was absolved of my sins. He described his death, "When I died St Francis came for me, but the Black Cherubim came and said I was not repentant, and so I was sent to Minos who wrapped his tail around me eight times then bit it. So here I am burning in the eighth pit." (So just being told you’re good isn't enough, you got to really be good :) His flame then walked away, and so we also moved on.
Eighth Circle: ninth pit: sowers of discord and schism
Words don't exist that could describe the suffering I saw in the next pit. If you put together all the sufferings an all wars together, this was worse. I saw Mohammed, and his cousin Ali, split from his chin down, with his entails hanging between his legs. (Um... GROSS!!) The same for all in this pit, so cleft like their sin, the sowers of scandal and of schism. Mohammed then said, "We have to walk the circle of this pit, while our wound heals, only to be opened again as you see it by the dark Devil with his sword behind us." Then Mohammed asked, "Why are you gawking at us, delaying your own punishment?" Virgil then tells Mohammed that I'm still alive and not tormented by sin, and just having a nice little tour of hell. Then Mohammed said, "Tell Fra Dolcino to store up a lot of provisions for the winter, unless he wants to join us here soon."
(A noted heretic and reformer, who fought for two years in Lombardy against the forces of the Pope, but finally, being reduced by famine in time of snow, in 13O7, was taken captive and burnt at Novara.)
Then I saw Piero da Medicina, a fosterer of discord, who was missing his nose and an ear, and as he stood there the rest of his gullet was opened. (O, gross again) He asks me, "Tell Guido del Cassero and Angiolello da Cagnano that the one-eyed Malatestino wants to throw them overboard near Cattolica and drown them."
Then another came to me, holding up his bloody stumps with no hands, cursing all my family. He was Mosca de' Lamberti, who gave the ill advice to murder the young Buondelmonte. The murder was revenge for not marrying a young Lamberti maiden, and was the beginning of long woe to Florence, and of the division of her people into Guelphs (Dante's family) and Ghibellines.
Then a saw one carrying his head in his hand by it's hair. It came over to us, and holding his head high like a flaming lamp to speak to us easier, said he was Bertran de Born, famous troubadour who incited the young Prince Henry to rebellion against his father, Henry II. of England. He continued, "Because I divided persons so united, I bear my brain, alas! divided from its source which is in this body." (gross, but kinda funny to :)
With my head spinning from seeing all the mutilated injuries, Virgil told me that the circle was 22 miles around, we did not have enough time to sand here to see them all the different mutilated forms walk past.
As we left he pit, I asked Virgil about the last mutilated spirit I was staring at, who was pointing at me and cursing, who I thought was someone in my family. He said the spirit was Geri del Bello, lord of Hautefort, a cousin of my father. (so how many is that on my google list so far, too many to count)
Eighth Circle Tenth pit: falsifiers of all sorts.
As we moved on to the tenth, and last, pit of the eighth circle, divers lamentations pierced me, and I covered my ears with my hands. It was like all the sick should all be in one ditch together, and such stench came forth, as from putrescent limbs. (Good stinky dead things :) People were lying in heaps, and crawling over each other, covered in scabs, and scratching constantly because of rage of his itching. We asked two of them who they were. One replied that he was from Arezzo, and was put to death by Albero of Siena by burning for saying he could fly like Daedalus. But the reason he was here in the tenth pit is for the alchemy that he practiced in the world. Another said he was one of the brigata godereccia or spendereccia, "the joyous or spendthrift brigade" who lived in a world of excess and greed, and was of Capocchio, and was here because he falsified the metals by alchemy.
Never have I seen, or heard, of anyone so distraught as those I saw next, chasing and biting each other. The one goblin is Gianni Schicchi, rabidly maltreating others. He was here for impersonating Buoso Donati, who was recently dead, so he could dictate a false will. The other was the ancient soul of profligate Myrrha, who by falsifying herself in another's form became her father's lover beyond rightful love.
Then I saw another, with his legs cut off and unable to move. He said he was Master Adam and his sin was making false coins out of base metal for Guido and Alessandro, Counts of Romena. One of them was here already. Next to him was the false woman that accused Joseph, the other is the false Sinon the Greek, from Troy; because of their sharp fever they throw out such great reek. Master Adam said neither has moved an inch since he arrived. Then Adam and Sinon started arguing and hitting each other where they lay.
I was so engrossed in the arguing and fighting that Virgil scolded me, saying it is a base wish to get involved where people are in similar brawl. So we moved on and turned our back to the wretched tenth pit.
The Giants around the Eighth Circle
Then I heard a horn sounding so loud that it would have made every thunder faint. I looked ahead and saw what looked like a city with tall towers, so I asked Virgil what city it is. He looked at me, laughed, and said my eyes were deceived with the distance and the darkness. Those are not a city of towers, they are giants surrounding the abyss, the ninth circle of hell.
As we drew close, I could see that like the towers of Montereggione in ruin still crown its broken wall, so to did these giants tower over the bank that surrounds the abyss. Each was taller than 3 tall men. At the first giant Virgil said, "This is Nimrod; because of his evil thought the world uses not one language only. So don't talk to this one, it's useless."
At the next giant, his arms were bound with a heavy chain, one in front and one in back. Virgil said, "This was Ephialtes, mortal son of Iphimedeia and Poseidon, who made trial of his power against the supreme Jove, and is therefore chained."
I asked Virgil, since we were here with the giants I wanted to see the huge Briareus. Virgil said "He was a good distance away, and while more fierce than Ephialtes, is likewise chained. Instead, lets go see Antaeus close at hand here, who speaks, and is unbound since he took no part in the war of his brethren against the Gods."
The we came to the great Antaeus, who we asked to set us below. Virgil, using flattery to get the giant to help said, "Otherwise, we would have to go to Tityus or Typhon, who are not as great as you. Besides, this one is still alive, with a long life yet, he can restore fame to you in the world in stories about you when he returns to the world of the living." So Antaeus, lifted us, then lowered us far below even where his feet rested on the cliff leading down to the abyss.
Ninth Circle: traitors. First ring and Second ring:
We were now in hole in the bottom of the whole universe; it is no jest to attempt to use words to describe this. (So who would be stupid enough to jest about the the bottom of hell :) Virgil tells me, "Don't trample the heads of the wretched weary brethren." And I looked and what looked like a lake of ice, the Cocytus, and in many holes where many shadows of souls with chattering teeth. (Looks like a cold day in hell, oops, that wasn't a jest was it :) I saw too very close together and asked who them who they were. They looked at me and tears gushed forth, freezing on their faces. They then started butting heads together in anger. Another nearby named Camicion de' Pazzi, murderer of one of his kinsmen, answered and said those two were brothers of the Alberti, counts of Mangona, in Tuscany, and they killed each other. Therefore, more than anyone else here in , they belong here in ice of Caina (the first part of the ninth circle, named for Cain, who killed Able). Here you will find Mordred - the traitorous son of Arthur; Focaccia - a member of the great Cancellieri family of Pistoia who started the war between the Black and White factions in Pistoia and in Florence; and Sassol Mascheroni who murdered his nephew for an inheritance, (the first part of the ninth circle). (OK that did it, my google list just exploded)
As we walked along, I stepped on a shades head, and he complained asking they I was molesting him here in Antenora (the second part of the ninth circle, named for a Trojan who betrayed Troy). I asked him who he was, he refused to say and told me to leave him alone. So I grabbed him by the hair and pulled so that he screamed. Another shade nearby then asked Bocca (Bocca degli Abati, the most noted of Florentine traitors) what is problem was. I told him I would tell the world of his reward here in hell, and he said, if I was going to tell about him, tell also about other nice traitors standing in the cold nearby, including Buoso da Duera of Cremona; Tesauro de' Beccheria - Abbot of Vallombrosa and Papal Legato; Gianni dcl Soldanier; Ganellon; and Tribaldello. (and google screams NO More Please!)
As we walked further, I saw two in one hole with one head above the other chattering away so much he was eating the head of the one below. (O, Gross!! have I said that before?) So I asked, "Do you hate him so much you got to eat him?" So he lifts his head so I could see him, his bloody mouth and the head he was gnawing (Still gross!!!) and tells me that he is Count Ugolino della Gherardesca, Count of Donoratico and the other is Archbishop Ruggieri degli Ubaldini. Ugolino says the Archbishop and he had an agreement to drive their political enemies out of the area. As soon as they were gone, the Archbishop arrested Ugolino and his family so he would be in control by himself, locked them up, and starved them to death. He watched as each family member died, and he died last. So now he will eat the skull of who starved to death him and his family. (Again Gross!!!)
A little further on we came to shades laying on their backs, unable to cry because the first tears had already frozen to their faces, blocking more tears. I started to feel a slight wind and wondered where it came from.
One of the frigid souls asked me to remove the ice from his eyes, so that for a while he could shed more tears. I said I would if he told me who he was (I feel more googling coming). He said he was Alberigo de' Manfredi, of Faenza; one of the Jovial Friars. I was surprised, not knowing he was dead already, and he replied that he didn't know how his body was, but his soul was here in Ptolomaea (third ring of ice, named for Ptolemy of Jericho who slew his father-in-law). He said for some, once they have committed treachery, their soul is taken here while the body remains alive with a demon within it for a while. Ser Branca d' Oria is here, who murdered his father-in-law Michel Zanche, while leaving a devil in his body that still eats, and drinks, and sleeps, and puts on clothes. (so, even if they look alive, some of the worlds most evil may already be dead and in hell, leaving behind a devil to control their body, that answers some questions?)
Ninth Circle: traitors. Fourth ring
Then I saw the banners of the King of Hell advance, and I felt the winds increase. We were now in Judecca (the fourth ring of ice in the ninth circle of hell) and the shades were fully encased in ice, and held firm in many different positions.
Virgil then brought me forward and said, "Behold Dis, and behold the place where it is needful that with fortitude thou arm thee." Looking upon Lucifer, I was so cold and frightened, I felt neither alive or dead. The emperor of the woeful realm rose up, and was as big as the giants, and looked as fair as he was in truth foul. And he had three faces, and two great wings featherless like a bats; and it was the flapping of these wings that made the winds I had felt, sending the cold which froze this lowest part of hell. Bloody tears came from six eyes. And in each mouth he was crushing a sinner with his teeth to add to their suffering. They were Judas Iscariot, Brutus, and Cassius. (Are these the last three for poor google?)
Virgil then said, "Hey, it's getting late, time to leave hell." So I held on to him and we descended below Lucifer, through the centre of the universe, leaving Beelzebub's tomb and entering the southern hemisphere, at the base of the mountain of purgatory. From here we climbed the staircase back to my hemisphere, where once again I saw the stars. The End :)
So that was it, my trip to hell and back. I think I'll skip the rest of the Divine Comedy. The Inferno was more than enough for me (and poor over worked google). Hope hell was fun for you, it was a devil of a time for me.
